When a person decides to get married the goal is to find someone you can be happy with for a lifetime. Most people do not purposely marry someone who they feel will make them sad and unhappy. The method for being in a happy relationship with a spouse who wants to be in that relationship is learning how to please your spouse intentionally.

Marriage is the union of two distinct individuals learning how to relate to each other in a positive manner. It actually creates a third personality that has never existed before. This new personality is the coming together of what the husband wants in the marriage and what the wife wants. For example suppose the husband has spent his whole life hating white bread. He lived as a bachelor and never allowed white bread to be in his house. He marries a woman who loves peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so she is use to having white bread in her house. What does this married couple do? No white bread to please the husband or white bread to please the wife?

A successful marriage will look for compromises that pleases both spouses. Examples could be (1) husband understands wife loves peanut butter so agrees that she will need access to some bread. He may agree to either other types of bread (wheat, rye) or to minimizing the amount of white bread found in their home. (2) wife understands husband does not want bread so she does not make peanut butter at home. She buys her sandwiches already made so she does not have to have white bread at home.

The process of pleasing one’s spouse stems from understanding that we are all different. People want to order their environment to accommodate their personal likes and dislikes. He loves jazz music and she prefers country. So what do you listen to at home? Some would just play the type of music they enjoy and hope their spouse gets on board. But to truly please your spouse you cannot focus on trying to get them to your way of thinking. Instead you must find out how they like things and then do what you can to provide that for them.

Will this require compromise? Yes. And it may require finding some things you both like so that you can enjoy them together. To have a happy marriage and a spouse that loves being with you requires making changes to the selfish way we all look at our lives. No longer can we strive to “have it our way”.